You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
