Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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