I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
