my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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