He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
