i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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