Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
