Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
