Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
