"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think my moral compass just broke
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
