My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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