Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
