butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
