bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
