hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
