Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
