Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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