you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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