Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
