I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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