The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
