I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
