I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
