Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
