FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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