Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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