Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
