i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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