I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i've created a new STD.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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