My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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