i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
