There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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