Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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