I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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