so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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