we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
