she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
