he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
