After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
