ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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