I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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