Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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