well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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