I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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