I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
