My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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