you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
