just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
