I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
