they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
