Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
