Fuck appropriateness.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
