This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
